1. |
my tunnel
03:08
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I know what not to do and what I don't want to recall on accident and you might forget it's not my fault; since you can't possibly know how deep my tunnel goes. I don't always see outside what is so dark in my head. I was nothing without god, but now dad, my god is dead and you can't possibly know how deep my tunnel goes. I am so sorry for what I've let show. it's every ugly part of me.
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2. |
I got too sad
02:46
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I got too sad and told you. Now I'm not told what you do. I can't know or else I'll throw a fit and we'll grow apart in secret and I don't see how we can work out. I know that you really want my heart to keep holding on. I can't know or else I go my own way and we'll grow apart either way and I don't see how we can work out. I've been so well behaved that I can't silently hate what I can't let my self do. and the truth doesn't matter since I got so mean. Never again will I run away from my accountabilities and if I do, I won't forget that too. and when I was young, I didn't think I'd have to live it down.
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3. |
hope idly
04:27
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You have to live. You just have to. You need a place to and you hope. You hope idly that no one fucks it up when you're on thin ice and I wasn't about to fall in. I hope you'll be wise. I hope idly in you. Remember me. You just have to. I need to love you better than others idly. They don't do good enough when you're on thin ice and they're on the shallow end. I hope you'll be wise. I hope idly in you.
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4. |
I've got no one
02:08
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I left a note for you on the magna-doodle in the hallway. I know it's fucking true. You're gonna find out someday; maybe when you get old and everybody else knows it. Too late now. You've got no one, since you have to keep clinging harder. As for me I've kept my distance from most everyone I love; so they won't change their minds. since they believe in me so much, I'm afraid to disappoint. I live in my world alone. Too late now. I've got no one since I have to keep pushing harder.
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5. |
I kept saying it
03:43
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I kept saying it. There are more important things than your feelings, but this is too much. I should give up before I break; before I'm too beaten to take what comes to me like a man. I won't stand. I'll just keep laying there sobbing. I can't relive it; how I was when we first met. I won't forget that I couldn't admit I was worth it and let you have parts of me I wanted so bad. but no, I would have been dumb. I was young. Still that's not how I was crazy. Silenty, I invited you to hurt me. I swore not as an excuse to blame you. No, you can blame me.
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6. |
typical
03:04
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Inactively, it's impossible for me not to be let down when I know what I've done; never having the fun you have: when reminded of what I'm capable of. So typical (you wouldn't have had fun anyway). So typical (there's no point in being jealous). So angrily, I will find more words to sing; getting less like you. Less like anyone. Never having the fun you have, when reminded of what I'm capable of. So typical. Hey there, my name is PJ Famicom and I've been depressed and miserable and bitter for most of my life and so. it's starting to show and I used to be such a sweet guy, but I guess I'm not and I don't expect you to sympathize because it's always easier to point the finger at someone else.
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7. |
folded and dared
03:24
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I woke up at 8 and called you. still in bed, I played guitar, worried, and called at 9. I thought the devil was taking hold
of my heart with his cold grasp. it was miserable and I just had to know that you also loved me more than any concrete thing; forever. but I could tell the worst parts of me were found and my failure was surely gonna tear down the scant satisfaction I had, since I had been so bad. I put another hole in the wall that day. I'm sorry I ever thought you could fix someone so fraught and fifteen.
since then I've tried in any way I can find to build security out of successes, but when you tell me I was great i say thanks but think "how could you say that? and why am I wasting your time with this crap. what do you care?" you can't fix someone who dared and folded
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8. |
just give up
03:33
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When you fall, it'll never have to be very far at all and you kind of like where you are; cause you can fuck off so hard that any set back is a reason to chill out like you wanted. You'll back out when something hard becomes an option protecting your heart. You've been rejected for who you are once. now you just give up like you wanted. protect your heart, no matter who you disappoint.
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9. |
I swear
03:04
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I swear I'm gonna stop being a baby. I'm gonna do anything I need to get back with you; if the damage isn't fatal, trying to learn from my mistakes but looked right past another crucial fact. like always, but now I see there were no mistakes if they lead me to you, but now we wake up alone and I accept the blame. unfair as it is, I often forget that people I love can still fret. Just like I do and it's been no picnic trying to figure out how to make sunny predictions; when often I shun the bright side, but now I see that darkness has to stay behind me no matter what if I don't want to kill all of your sunshine. and I won't
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10. |
blue for you
01:29
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if I could make a wish and have that wish come true, I'd take us back to yesterday when you were good as new. Until we meet again, you're still my closest friend and I'll be blue for you. When I say I'm sorry, it's coming from my heart. I mean it. I really truly do and I'll be blue for you. I remember taking long walks. You'd always hold my hand. We didn't have to talk too much and you'd still understand. We've got our memories and I'll take special care of these and I'll be blue for you.
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11. |
be cool
02:18
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stay calm. you found out there are photos of a night she was out and you've been holding your breath to see one; to see anything. it's been torture not to see her face and the smile you put on her. you're trying again to make it last forever; making it harder than it has to be, like you always do. be cool. it's okay if she forgets to call you. you've got plenty to do and endless distractions. you've got everything but it kills you not to see her face and the smile you put on her. you're trying again to make it last forever; making it harder than it has to be, like you always do. you knew you could do it. you knew you can do it. you knew you'll see it through now.
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12. |
the noble one
01:43
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you were part of the problem. you all were and your memories deceive you with decadence. in your drunken caprice I could only have been a tool in the destruction
of everything I stood by; all reason to stay alive. still you're doing fine getting what you want. for me it take so much longer to get hooked up. my friend, how could you know? having seen ever a bluff of an honest try, I expect you cannot rinse your sight of infinite sins. I'm the one who never wins. I'm the noble one
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13. |
snot out of your nose
01:44
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you're trying to screw me over but we're adults, and how it's done is when I say please don't, you smugly shoot me down like I'm being dumb. is it too much to want someone to know where I'm coming from? it's a sheisty way, then I'm the jerk, but it's no snot out of your nose.
you're trying to win me over, but we're grown up and how it's done: you put me the perfect height above your head, licking your lips. hungry for something else, but all you taste is the last ass you kissed. it's embarassing, then I'm the jerk but it's no snot out of your nose.
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14. |
loser
03:14
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after forever I got out and finally found some kids who understood. then to each other we were cool. moreso than the popular douche bags could be. it's twenty twelve and past time they joined our team: all athletic, outgoing, and confident. I'm the loser again; more of a loser than I was in school and they don't see me that way, but how could they?
they're cool and infinitely more triumphant than me. I show up and sit out back at the show to drink the beers I can afford; from the store and everyone inside is dressed up so nice. I gave up that crowd for a chance to fit in, but I became your friend. this is your show and I endorsed you when no one came out to see the bands you were starting.
I wanted to give myself something to do and be useful, but look at where it got me. sorry I said something. I was the fool
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15. |
moving to portland
02:19
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fuck this I'm moving to portland, where everybody's cool: where all the cool bands go. I know somewhere there's hope for me to get recognized for how cool I am. fuck this, I'm moving to portland where people understand all the ways I'm awesome. stay home and see what I become. for real, I'm cooler than your mind can comprehend. fuck this, I'm moving to portland. I want vegeterians. I want skateboarders. I want spirituality. I want cool tattoos.
I want I want indie rockers that wear sweaters.
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16. |
cvlter than thou
02:27
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when they let you in the club will you become a sheep? do you want to be another parasite or a hero? -the president of your own club, boy of the hour, boy of the night, boy of the whole year. No. You flock to popular beliefs. I am cvlter than thou, eternally. Do you want to promote change or doyou like this shit of a world how it is? -since you bought in, gladly giving any piece of your soul to whoever serves your goal to serve number one. swing on old stars. further up the line. a sheep. followed by the wandering. I am cvlter than thou eternally.
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17. |
demons all around
02:25
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my fragile heart, that I knew I should guard, was exposed when I showed all my cards. they were losing, thus I chose to be a better catch. wounded, I'll give you all that's left. though you love me, my assailants benefit from me. when I tried to love with action, I left troubles all around. My demons are at every step I chart. when I beat them off again I'll start rocket-like. You won't believe the numbers left about. of course you want results and spout what's wrong with me. my assailants moan defensively when I tried to love and inevitably you let me down. I will defy until the sight of me makes you want to die.
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18. |
how hard I fought
02:44
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19. |
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the devil lies. you terrified myheart. you have your own plans that cannot fit mine. you cannot be mine. I will only be yours. speak of the devil and he will call. if you don't answer, he will come in my bed in any form from his head of a shadow with piercing eyes. the devil never dies. he's listening to devise an entrance into my heart from in my room. lurking on, like a house cat, I don't want him close with those piercing eyes.
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20. |
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do you know what you stand for or are you waiting for a fad you can agree with? do you know what you stand for or is that not important? are you just using our scene that's done everything for me as a stepping stone for means of your own? we were friends, but this I can't condone. do youknow what you stand for or was your grandma's rock n roll radical enough? do you know what you stand for or are all your songs just fluff? are those stars in your eyes gonna help you get your prize casting all ethics aside, but it's worth it; since we let you get away with it. I know it's not my place to judge, but let me keep my hands out of the blurring of the lines that seperate your hipster ways from mine.
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21. |
a chill time
01:38
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we got the ac workin again. we're gonna have a chill time
with the cool guys and ladies too. we got some new video games. we're gonna have a fun night. for a bite I made chicken and fake chicken is cool too. I won't forget you (being vegan) and you can't bring the whole crew. I just can't let you, being not chill. tonight I'm way too cool.
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super famicom Bloomington, Indiana
Super Famicom is a recording project of PJ "Baby" Verkruyse.
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